Still Alive But I'm Barely Breathing
by roza m belicova
Summary: After Mason died, Dimitri took Tasha's offer and left with her. He told Rose he was only leaving to be her guardian, but Rose couldn't help the paranoia and fear. When Dimitri left, he took her heart with him and she isn't sure she could get it back. Purely angst guys I'm sorry!
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys. Here's another one because life is shit and I've been trying to write the next chapter of ITR and this kind of happened. I've started it though so don't worry it'll probably be up soon. Also, there is mention of self-harm in this story consider yourselves warned.

I own nothing.

Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing.

When I'd told Dimitri that he should take Tasha's offer that day on the roof at the ski lodge in Idaho, I hadn't expected him to listen to me. Oh, I had meant every word I'd said and my reasons for saying them still held true even now, but some part of me, a part I was becoming to realize was nothing but a naïve little girl, had thought he would stay.

And when the thing with the strigoi happened in Spokane and Mason died, I didn't know what to think anymore. All I knew was Dimitri had been the one who got me out of that house. He came back to the academy with us and it was him who convinced me that Mason's death wasn't my fault. Admittedly, I still didn't believe that sometimes. How could I when every time I closed my eyes I saw the moment Izaiah snapped Mason's neck? Technically, Mason had died because of me, because he had come back in to save me.

The thing was, with Dimitri by my side, his firm belief that Mason had made the choice to go hunt those strigoi, kind of grounded me. Every time I looked into Dimitri's eyes and saw how much he really believed it wasn't my fault, I kind of believed it too. But then, it happened.

A week after Mason's funeral and memorial services, Dimitri came to find me. He told me he was leaving. He said he was taking Tasha's offer. It was at that point that my heart stopped and my stomach plummeted right to my feet. I felt myself shutting down, felt everything in my life narrow down to the man standing in front of me, to his eyes as they held mine and to his lips which were moving but no words were coming out. At least if they were, I didn't know what they were. I couldn't hear them over the buzzing in my ears.

"Roza." It was one simple word, hell it was my name, but it held more power here than anything else he could've said. It brought me back from the brink of madness just for a second. "I'm going with her-"

"I already heard you, Dimitri. I heard you the first time," I said but he shook his head.

"Let me finish, Rose." Since Dimitri rarely ever called me 'Rose,' that was enough to shut me up.

"I'm going with her," He said again. But only to be her guardian." He launched into a story about how if there was going to be anything between us it was going to have to wait until I was older. I wanted to yell at him that I was going to be 18 in a few months, but the look in his eyes stopped me. "We're going to have to wait until after graduation. We can't be together while you're still a student here."

He was right. I knew he was, but if he was so right then why did it feel like my heart was breaking? Why did it feel so much like rejection? Why did it feel like we were saying goodbye? I had no answers for any of my questions, so instead I nodded, and let him wrap me up in his arms. I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes, determined not to cry.

That plan crumbled and scattered like ashes in the wind the second his lips met mine. His hands were on my cheeks, gently cupping my face, his lips soft and tender as they pressed against my own. And as I kissed him back, my body melting into his arms and eyes stinging with unshed tears, for just that moment all was right in the world. But then he was pulling away and walking out the door, and as it closed behind him, I fell to my knees, the tears I had been fighting now flowing freely down my face.

That had been over a month ago, but not much had changed since then. Ok no that wasn't true. Everything had changed since then, but it seemed I was the only person who noticed. With Dimitri gone, the academy felt different to me, empty somehow. I couldn't understand how everyone else was just going on with their lives like nothing had happened. Couldn't they feel the difference? Didn't they understand that I was falling apart?

I knew my thinking like this was irrational. Of course no one realized what Dimitri's absence meant to me, only I knew I was well on my way to being depressed. And maybe I shouldn't say no one noticed, because Adrian did, and he never let me forget it. Unfortunately for him, all that got him was my bitchy side. Actually everyone got that side of me these days, everyone but Lissa.

Dimitri's absence left me with nothing to do but train, and train I did. Training was kind of all I did honestly, but that was because I needed the outlet the physical activity provided and I needed to be able to guard Lissa after graduation. So when I wasn't at class or training with Alberta who had replaced Dimitri as my mentor, I was running the tracks or beating the hell out of something in the gym or in my room, trying to get some sleep and beating the hell out of my fists and the walls when I couldn't make myself go to sleep.

When Lissa forced me to do casual things with the group, I couldn't help but be completely on edge. Being around many people when it wasn't completely necessary made me uncomfortable now. Of course, she picked up on this fact and instead of dragging me off to do things, she sometimes brought everyone to my room which I preferred. I liked that no one tried to stop me when I curled up in bed while they filled the place up with their chatter. I liked that I didn't have to pretend to be ok when I was in the sanctuary of my room. I knew my friends worried about me, but I told them nothing and they didn't ask.

But sometimes, Lissa came alone. It was on one of those evenings when it was just she and I and a tub of ice-cream that I opened up to her. I told her everything, told her how I felt about Dimitri and how I hadn't thought he felt anything beyond the fondness of a student for me. I told her about the lust charm and how it was Victor's meddling which finally made me see that he felt something for me too. I told her how my mom had told me about Tasha's offer and Dimitri's possible acceptance of it and what had happened that day on the roof.

If I'd ever thought she would judge me for being in love with Dimitri, I couldn't have been more wrong. There were several reasons why Lissa was more than my best friend, and one of those was her huge heart. She had been sympathetic and sweet about the whole thing, holding me while I cried and crying with me, as well as going as far as telling me that maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought because like he'd said, he was only leaving to be her guardian. But best of all, she had gotten me more ice-cream and doughnuts, and had put off hanging out with Christian so she could stay with me until curfew. I still left the dorm after hours to go run the track that night, but for those few hours with Lissa I had been at peace.

Today was a different matter, however. Today peace evaded me. I'd barely gotten any sleep last night, something which made me bitchy on a regular day, and today was no different. Today my mood was as black as night, and since I'd already been in 3 combat classes and was tired as fuck, I was guessing no amount of physical activity was going to get me out of this one. Instead I zoned out while Guardian Yuri talked about the proper ways to kill a strigoi, after all this was something I had already covered with Dimitri, and something most novices already knew. I looked up when someone started passing out throwing knives.

"While these aren't silver stakes," Yuri said. "They could be enough to stun a strigoi. And if wielded properly, they could kill one."

I looked down at the throwing knife in my hand, my eyes zoning in on the tip. I ran my finger lightly over the sharp edge, thinking that with 2 of these it was possible to decapitate a strigoi. And then I couldn't help but think how easy it would be to draw my own blood, wondering if it would make me feel any better. My mind flashed back to Lissa, how she use to say that cutting made her feel better because the physical pain distracted her from the emotional pain.

I pressed the blade harder against my skin, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough for it to hurt. It would be so, so easy to cut myself with the knife, so easy to say it was an accident. But I wasn't going to do it. After the hard time I'd given Lissa, how could I take a blade to my skin?

Not only that, but I knew I wasn't thinking clearly. Self-harm, unless it was me slamming my fist too hard into say a wall or something, was no plan of mine. It had never been and I wasn't about to start now, but standing there with that knife in my hand, I'd be lying if I said I didn't see the appeal. I knew I was tired and I knew this darker than usual mood might also have something to do with Lissa's magic. So sighing, I relaxed my grip on the knife and got in line with the rest of my classmates.

It was going to be ok, I told myself. Graduation was only in a few more months and then I would be with Dimitri. I ignored the voice in the back of my mind which whispered that Dimitri and Tasha could hook up before then. She was so beautiful anyone would be lucky to have her, and Dimitri deserved the very best. My mind supplied an image of Dimitri, of the way he would smile those full smiles and laugh around her when all I Got were chuckles and half smiles. And there went my trying to cheer myself up.

When Yuri called my name and told me to throw my knife at anyone of the life-sized dummies, I immediately lunged for the one with the black hair. I let the knife fly and smirked in satisfaction as it hit its target. As my teacher applauded my throw, I couldn't help but grin a bit. Throwing that knife at that dummy had felt great. I think I had just found a new way to work off steam.

And that night when I woke up from a particularly vivid nightmare about Dimitri and Tasha and a little girl with her hair and his eyes, I did find myself back in the gym. Oh, this dream was hardly as bad as the ones I had grown accustomed to, but to me it was worse, far, far worse. Because you see, it was all too easy to see how replaceable I was even if it was just a dream. And yet I knew that if they did get together and she was good to him I would accept it, because the only thing I wanted more than being with Dimitri was for him to be happy. If Tasha made him happy, then I wasn't going to stand in the way of that. It didn't matter that I'd found my forever and had let him walk away. It didn't matter that I was certain I was never going to love anyone more. If his being happy meant second best was all I was ever going to know, then I was fine with that.

I put myself through a punishing work out that night, the kind of work out that brought you to your knees and made you unsure about whether you could make it back to your room or not. It wasn't until I was sitting on the floor that I realized tears were streaming down my face. I didn't try to stop them, because I knew it was impossible. That dream had been so vivid, I could still see everything so clearly in my head. It was almost as real as if I'd been in a dream with Adrian though I knew I had not been. No this was all me, my subconscious and the universe conspiring against me as usual.

Sighing softly and sniffling, I dragged myself to my feet and went back to my room completely forgetting to be stealthy. I was sure the guardians who worked nights knew I was usually out and about anyway. I figured they just stayed away because Alberta had told them to. There was something in the older guardian's eyes that told me she knew. With another sigh I crawled into bed and curled in on myself, clutching a pillow to my chest as I let the tears fall. At some point they stopped, and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep, just the way I liked it.

Ok please don't hate me for ending it like this. This one really is a one shot that I really, really needed to write. I'd totally appreciate hearing your thoughts though so leave me some reviews please and thank you.

XXX

Roza


	2. author's note

Hey you beautiful, beautiful people. Thank you so much for your awesome reviews! Seriously keep them coming and I'll do my best to keep the chapters coming for you! I'm going to try to post weekly like I use to, but y'all know how that can be sometimes! You guys really blew my mind I didn't think you would respond so well to this and I'm happy that you all wanted me to continue. Anyway, you asked for it so here we go.

I don't own VA

Still Alive but I'm barely breathing.

Chapter 2.

It was stupid. I knew it was, and yet I felt myself starting to hyperventilate. My chest was so tight I literally felt like I couldn't get in enough air. Everything felt like it was closing in around me, making it all the harder to breathe.

"Little dhampir, are you ok?" I saw his mouth move, heard his voice, but for the life of me I could not figure out what he was saying. Hell, I could barely keep myself on my feet but that didn't stop me from bolting to the door anyway. I heard him and Lissa calling my name but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. Not until I was standing outside on Adrian's balcony, the cool air blowing in my face.

I thought being out in the fresh air would ease the tightness in my chest even just a little bit, but it didn't. People were leaving me one by one. First it was Mason. Then it was Dimitri. Now it was Adrian. Gripping the rails, I closed my eyes. He wasn't leaving, I reminded myself. At least, not really. He was only leaving for the weekend, some family engagement calling him back to court, but at this point I felt like I was losing everyone.

I knew my reaction was stupid and uncalled for, a complete overreaction if anything, but I couldn't help it. Even though Dimitri had been gone for almost two months-1 month 3 weeks to be exact, Mason for a solid two, my wounds were still raw. This just felt like rubbing salt into them, even if I wasn't as close to Adrian as I had been to Mason or Dimitri.

Ok, so maybe that wasn't really true I decided. Because even though it was different, in my own way, I had grown close to him. I had gotten use to his snarky comments about my aura's appearance whenever he saw me, or how whenever he noticed I was extra quiet he would show up with those disgusting clove cigarettes and blow that smoke in my direction just so I chided him for it and for smoking at all, and his popping up unannounced at my room just so he could check up on me under the pretense of being an obnoxious flirt. It was Adrian who figured out how I really felt about Dimitri even before I'd said a word of it to Lissa and, it was him who checked up on me during those early days when Dimitri had just left. Of course, I had done nothing but be a bitch to him, basically to everyone who wasn't Lissa, but that didn't stop him from making sure I was as ok as I could have been given the situation.

"Rose," I very nearly flinched at the sound of his voice, definitely did when I felt his fingers on my cheeks. "I'll be back soon little dhampir," He said. "What are those tears for?" I hadn't even realized I had been crying until he pointed it out, but I heard myself talking anyway.

"You're leaving," I said. "Just like they did."

"I'm only going to be gone for a couple days," He said. "But I have to admit I'm flattered you'd miss me that much."

"Asshole," I muttered, and sniffled a bit.

"Guilty as charged," He said sketching a gallant bow. "Now dry those tears. You're much too pretty for them anyway." I rolled my eyes but I did wipe my tears on my sleeve and dragged in a few lung-fills of the crisp Montana air. This time, it cleared my head enough that the tightness in my chest eased, but not the ache that had become my constant companion ever since Dimitri left with Tasha. I was starting to think that nothing save for him coming back would ease that ache. And since I didn't see that happening any time soon, I guess I was just going to have to deal.

"You do understand that the thing I'm really going to miss is the boos, right?" I asked him after a few moments of silence. "And not actually you?" I was joking of course, but he already knew that if the derisive snort was anything to go by.

"Oh, is that all?" He asked. "That can easily be rectified little dhampir. I'll just sneak some into your room for you." I chuckled a little bit, but that actually didn't sound like such a bad idea. While I didn't drink as often or as heavily as Adrian did, I did permit myself to have one drink on those nights when no matter how much I ran or how hard I punched the shit out of things my body and brane still conspired with the universe to keep me awake.

"I might just hold you to that, Ivashkov." I said. He flashed one of those devil may care grins he was known for, then we went back inside. I didn't miss Lissa's concerned look, but I mouthed later even as I pulled up a chair next to her and Christian.

"Hey Rosie couldn't you see we were having a moment here?" Christian asked that trade mark smirk sliding onto his face.

"Fuck off, fire boy." I said rolling my eyes. They weren't having a moment he had only just shown up.

"Liss, see how she talks to me?" He said and I snorted.

"I do," She said sweetly and then suddenly smacked him in the back of the head. "Leave her alone." I snorted laughing at the look of hurt on his face.

While Adrian and I had been outside, the rest of our friends had shown up along with Christian. Somebody, probably Lissa or Adrian himself seemed to have told them about Adrian's weekend away. They had brought Chinese food and, of course, since we were hanging out in Adrian's room, there was alcohol. I made sure to steer clear of it though. As it was, I wasn't any good at holding my licker, and I wasn't trying to get drunk before I had my nightly exercise, but I would be the first to admit that for. the first time in a while, I actually felt ok. For the first time in a while, I didn't feel like I was a million miles away from my friends while actually being right there with them.

…

I wish I could say that that feeling lasted, I wish I could tell y'all that I didn't have to run the tracks in the dead of night, but if I said any of that I'd be lying. Because the second I left Lissa and Christian and crawled into bed, it all just came rushing back.

It didn't take me long to start thinking about Dimitri, and how I would have loved to tell him some of the stupid things we'd all been laughing about tonight. I would have loved to tell him how we'd talked about Mason too and how while it still hurt it had actually been nice to reminisce about him. I wondered what he was doing, if he'd already adjusted from the nocturnal schedule to the human one. He no doubt had, Dimitri was nothing if not professional, he was good at adapting and great at his job. He would do anything to keep his charge safe. I would bet anything that he was alert on the very first day, damn his god-like abilities.

That got me thinking back to the time when I blurted out that Mason was right when he said Dimitri was a Russian god and, it wasn't long until I was replaying more of our memories. The time he'd found me with Jesse and had said he would teach me to fight but actually needed me to act responsibly if I wanted to be a guardian. The countless laps which I'd hated but had now become my salvation. The stolen kisses in the gym while we tried to deny what we felt. The time I was talking about cutting my hair and he said I should never cut my hair but just wear it up.

Did he still think of me? Did he lay awake at night because he was thinking of us? Did he even miss me? Did he still want a relationship with me after graduation? On and on it went, my brane firing question after question, none I had the answers too but every one of them playing on my insecurities.

Frustrated at myself, and at Dimitri because he refused to leave my mind, I flung the blanket off and slipped on some shoes. I'd long learned not to bother with pj's because I always ended up having to change out of them anyway. I put my hair up and slipped out of my room. I didn't even bother with stealth anymore. Nobody ever came after me or try to stop me, and I was sure Alberta had something to do with that. I didn't forget the knowing look I'd seen in her eyes when she offered to mentor me.

As always, I started running the track. The music that blared in my ears kept my mind from wandering back to those earlier questions, but I couldn't help but wish it was one of those days where Dimitri was running with me. I wanted him here so bad it hurt.

Well he isn't here, I reminded myself. He was gone, and he hadn't even tried reaching out since he left. He was probably out and about with Tasha and I was out here because I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was missing out on fucking sleep because I couldn't get my brane to shut the fuck up. That was enough to make me push myself harder. I ran faster, pushed my legs harder until my lungs burned for oxygen and I had to stop. I ran into the gym and sank to the ground, knowing there would be no one there at this hour. I gave myself a few moments to catch my breath, and then I did some cool down stretches.

After gulping down a bottle of water, I put myself through another one of those work outs that left my body sore and aching but my mind quiet. My knuckles were sore and bruised because in my haste, I'd forgotten my gloves. Still, there were no barrage of questions in my head now, and that was good enough for me.

If there was one good thing that came out of this, it was that my body was Hella toned, my muscles stronger than they had been before. I also now exceeded my classmates in training. Just today, Alberta had reduced our practice sessions from twice a day to once a day with Kirova's permission of course. She had even let me choose which one I wanted to give up and, of course, since sleep and I weren't on the best of terms these days, I gave up the morning sessions. It would get me an extra hour of sleep on most days, and at this point, I wasn't about to start complaining. Every extra minute counted, and I was learning to be grateful for small mercies. So, as I crawled back into bed when I finally dragged myself back to my room, I turned off the alarm and waited for sleep to claim me. This time, it didn't take long. And thankfully, it was dreamless.

Ok so thoughts my lovelies? Theories? Anything you would like to see? Say like perhaps a DPOV in the next chapter? Any ideas on why Dimitri hasn't reached out to Rose since he left? Is she right to assume that maybe he doesn't want her anymore? Do y'all think there was more to him accepting Tasha's offer or is Rose just overthinking? Let me know y'all know I love hearing from you! Until next time my lovelies, don't forget to drop me a review!

XXX

Roza


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys thanks so much to those of you who reviewed last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one.

I don't own VA

Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing.

Chapter 3.

DPOV.

"Dimka, are you ok? You're extra quiet today." I wanted to tell her no, wanted to tell her that I hadn't been ok since I left St. Vladimir's, but I simply nodded. "Really? Because you aren't even eating."

"I'm fine, Tasha." I said. She didn't look convinced and I honestly couldn't say I was surprised. She and I had been friends long enough that she could read my moods pretty well. Not in the same way that my Roza could, more in a I've been around long enough to know how you act when you're fine and I can tell you're lying kind of way. Not only that, but I really wasn't eating much of the breakfast set in front of me. Though in my defense, I'd just come in a while ago from a run and I simply wasn't hungry.

"If you miss her so much then why haven't you ever called since you've been here?" She asked curiosity filling those Ozera eyes. "Why did you accept my offer to begin with?"

"Because your royalty and you needed a guardian," I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And because this is what's best for her right now. She'll be fine."

"Who says it's what's best for her? And what about you?" She asked. "Will you be fine?"

"Sure," I said. "I'm fine. And I say it's what's best for her." Tasha rolled her eyes and suddenly looked really aggravated.

"I shouldn't have let you accept my offer," She said, ice blue eyes flashing. "As much as I appreciate having you here, I can take care of myself, Dimitri. I have been doing it for years without a guardian. Also, you don't get to decide what's best for Rose Hathaway Dimka, nobody but her gets to do that. And, you do know that I can tell you're lying, right?" I shrugged. There wasn't really anything I could say to that. She was right. She could take care of herself. After all, she was proficient in martial arts, and she knew exactly how to turn her elemental magic into something lethal. She was a force all on her own and Christian was also becoming one thanks to her teaching.

She was also right about Roza. The girl was stubborn and impulsive, she wouldn't tolerate anyone making decisions on her behalf without her permission. And the truth was, I missed Rose every second I was away from her. I knew Tasha knew that and, for the most part she had given me my space. She generally left me alone, but I guess she'd just decided that she'd had enough today. At that realization, I looked up at her.

"Why are you suddenly so curious?" I asked. Now it was her turn to shrug. "Tell me." I practically growled because I could see something in her eyes. If something had happened, if Rose was in trouble, I was leaving right now consequences be damned.

"Dimitri," She said. "Relax. She's fine." The relief that washed over me at those words was almost instantaneous and indescribable.

"I can just see how miserable you have been since you got here," She said. "And I know from Christian that you haven't once reached out to Rose so I'm just wondering why that is."

"You know why." I said.

"Fuck that bullshit about waiting until graduation," She said with so much passion I actually chuckled. In that moment she reminded me a little bit of my Roza and her feistiness, but in the next moment my heart was aching.

"Well, it's not only because of that." I admitted and Tasha's brows went up.

"There's more?" She asked. "Then do tell." And I did. I looked at her and told her everything right there at her kitchen table. And I have to admit, it felt good to tell someone the real reason why I had left her.

…

That conversation had happened two weeks after I had come back with Tasha. I wish I could say that telling Tasha made me feel better, but truth be told it didn't. Not really. I knew Roza was hurting. Hell, I could almost feel it. I knew she probably thought I abandoned her and, I would be the first to admit that being the reason for her pain was a hard and bitter pill to swallow. I had only ever wanted to make her happy and I knew the lack of communication on my end certainly didn't make it any better. But in my defense, I was doing this for her own good. I really had left her to keep her safe.

Maybe I should've told her the truth, but I couldn't chance it. My Roza had fire in her veins. She was too impulsive as stated before. I knew she wouldn't have taken this lying down. So, I had done the only thing I could do. I left.

I consoled myself with the knowledge that I wasn't leaving forever. It was only a matter of a few months. After that, I would go back for her. But now that I was here, now that almost two months had passed since I had been here, even that wasn't much consolation anymore. I missed her every minute, and with every passing day, my resolve grew weaker and weaker.

It was days like those that I was glad I had told Tasha the truth. She was the one who reminded me of why I was here to begin with. It was because of her that I managed to get updates on Rose, though Rose didn't know it. Tasha had sworn Christian to secrecy but he had refused to lie to Lissa. So, they were the only ones who knew I still checked in on Rose.

Updates aside, my heart ached to be in her presence. I longed to see the way her face lit up at the sight of chocolate glazed doughnuts. I missed the passion that flared in her eyes when she talked about being a guardian and protecting Lissa. I missed the flirty little smiles she used to flash at me. Hell, I missed hearing her call me comrade. I missed every little thing about her and I would've given anything just to catch a glimpse of her, but I knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon. At least that was what I thought until one night.

RPOV.

I was dreaming. I knew I was dreaming and yet no dream had ever felt so real. Some part of my mind said this was Adrian at work, but to the rest of my mind it didn't feel like spirit, and it wasn't long until I was convinced that it was just a very vivid dream. I was running the tracks as usual, the sun's golden rays pouring down around me. I was about to wrap up my run it seemed, as I was heading toward the gym at full speed.

But I stopped dead as I caught the smell of a very familiar aftershave. I looked up and was caught in a pair of dark, chocolate eyes, the same dark eyes that haunted my dreams. I waited for the scene to change, waited for him to disappear or something, but nothing happened. He just stood there looking at me.

"Roza are you going to stand there all night?" He asked and I'd be lying if I said I didn't go a little weak in the knees. My heart fluttered at the sound of his voice, at the way his accent wrapped around every word. At the way he could make my name sound like something beautiful and exotic.

As I walked the rest of the way to him, I spared myself a glance only to realize I was wearing exactly what I'd gone to bed in in this dream as well. At least the shorts and tank top clung to my body, but there was nothing I could do about the messy bun I'd put my hair up in. I reminded myself that this was just a dream, but I couldn't help but wonder what I looked like to him. Could he tell I had been crying? Could he see that I was far from okay but that I was actually working on being better? Tonight, had been one of my worse nights and I had taken my anger and despair out on the wall and my fists, and had actually drank a few shots of vodka because I didn't have the energy to run the tracks tonight.

Even now, I was coherent enough to know that this wasn't my reality. I knew in my reality he was gone, but dear god if this was a spirit dream, I honestly didn't care. And if this was a regular dream, I would just deal with the fall out in the morning.

How could I possibly care when he was opening his arms to me? I flung myself into them, knowing he would catch me and he didn't disappoint. His arms wounded around me so tightly that for a second, I couldn't breathe, but I honestly couldn't say I minded. Because for the first time in a long time, I was home. For the first time in a long time, I felt complete. For the first time in a long time, the constant pain I'd grown accustomed to feeling in my chest eased.

I clung to him; my face pressed into the side of his neck. I breathed in his familiar scent and felt every ounce of tension drain out of me. When he pressed his lips to my temple, I shuddered and clung tighter. And when he tilted my face up and slammed his lips against mine, I kissed back with just as much passion, just as much fervor.

Dimitri's arms tightened around me, effectively pulling me tighter against him. My fingers tangled in his hair, our kiss turning into something fierce something fiery and almost desperate as he carried me inside the gym. He kicked the door closed and then pressed me up against it, our tongues twisting and tangling in a battle for dominance. It wasn't long before our hands began wandering, my fingers tracing his face-committing every little detail to memory, and sliding down his neck, digging into his shoulders as he kissed me harder. He gripped my hips and my ass, squeezing hard enough that I let out a quiet moan and let him seize control of the kiss, his hands slipping up under my shirt to stroke my back.

I let out a gasp. Every brush of his fingers on my skin was like a lick of flame, a burst of wildfire, each more intense than the last, each stroke turning the blood in my veins to a raging inferno and he was barely doing anything. Fuck, but I wanted him to do everything. Moisture pooled between my legs, and I lost track of how much time had passed. It could have been a mere minute or 5, hell it could have been an eternity. The truth was I didn't know. All I knew was his lips against mine, his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my body. All I knew was him and us and now, and the intense need I had to give him everything right then and there. But Dimitri pulled back before I could tell him to just fuck me and I had to work hard to reign in my whine of protest.

"My Roza," He said. "My beautiful exotic love. My gorgeous girl." He gave me kisses on my face between every word and I couldn't help but giggle. "You are mine. I love you."

"I love you too," I said a soft smile sliding onto my lips. "And yes, I'm yours."

"Yes, mine and don't you ever forget it my love." He said. "Don't forget either that I will always come back for you. I will always be here when you need me, even when I'm not with you." He was looking into my eyes as he spoke, and he looked so serious that I wanted to ask him what he was talking about, but he started to blur at the edges. And in that moment, it hit me exactly what this was. I had been right all along. This was no regular dream. This was a spirit dream. Which meant-which meant this was the real Dimitri. My Dimitri.

"Wait," I said desperately clutching at his arms. "Don't leave me. Please, don't go. Not yet."

But he wasn't listening to me. He couldn't listen to me even if he wanted too. He was about to wake up, and there was nothing I could do to stop him. So, I did the only thing I could. I held onto him until he faded completely, and watched as he mouthed, he loved me just before he disappeared and Adrian took his place.

"Little dhampir, are you ok?" He asked catching me as I flung myself into his arms more from gratitude than anything else.

"I'm fine," I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

"That's not what fine looks like though," He said holding me tight. "I see tears."

"Thank you." I said instead, hastily wiping my tears away. "Thank you for helping me see him." Then, I smacked him in the back of his head. "But you shouldn't have done that! Spirit has a price you know."

"First off," He said setting me down and backing away eying me like I was some kind of unstable lunatic, which I supposed I kind of understood, seeing as how I was torn between wanting to grin at him and smack him in the head again for using his magic. "That hurt and secondly make up your mind. Are you happy or not?"

"I- "Was I happy? Yes, I realized, I was happier in this moment than I had been in a long time. I nodded my head. "But still, you can't be cooking up dreams like that Adrian, you know what happens if you use too much magic. You don't have anyone to help you cope with the darkness."

"Little dhampir, relax. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I have help." A flask of vodka suddenly appeared in his hand. "See?" He asked taking a swig. I rolled my eyes.

"Adrian that's not help," I said. "That's self-medicating."

"Call it whatever you want." He said. "But do you feel better?"

"Yes, but how did you know I needed this?" I asked eying him curiously.

"Because I could see that you were struggling more than usual these past couple days and I overheard you and Lissa talking about Dimitri earlier." He said and I was about to chastise him for eavesdropping but he kept talking. "I realized you were worried that he hadn't tried to contact you and that you were interpreting that as his way of saying he wasn't interested in you guy's relationship anymore."

"Well, yeah," I said. "What else was I supposed to think? I mean he's been gone for like 2 months." Adrian shrugged.

"I don't know," He said. "Maybe you should have had a little bit more faith in your relationship. But the reason I brought him into this dream is because I knew seeing him would make you feel better. I knew it would put your doubts to rest. And seeing as how y'all were all over each other, I think it's safe to say that I was right."

"I don't know about that actually," I said. "I actually didn't get that many answers." I had forgotten all about my questions the second I had seen him. And when he'd wrapped me up in his arms, nothing else had mattered.

"I could always get him back here so you can ask your questions now," Adrian offered, that familiar devil may care smile on his face.

"You will do no such thing," I said. "In fact, you should end this one and let me go back to sleep."

"But you are asleep, Rose my dear. How many times must I tell you?" I cringed a bit, not missing the change. It seemed subtle, but I had been around long enough to know that this was the early signs of a spirit flare up.

"I know," I said. "But you know what I mean. Time to let the magic go and let me sleep naturally."

"Fine," He said. "Good night little dhampir." And just like that, regular Adrian was back.

"Good night Adrian and thanks again." His smile was the last thing I saw before the dream faded, and I fell into regular dreamless sleep.

Thoughts, guys? Why do you think Dimitri left? Why is Tasha being so helpful? Is she going to be nice in this story or is this all just a part of her game? Let me know

XXX

Roza


End file.
